Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “card.” Use it any way you like. Enjoy!

Funny, I often think Linda is channeling me somehow with these prompts. Cards don’t often come into my sphere of awareness, but lately they’ve been all around me.

I’ve been playing a lot of computer solitaire. I’m trying to both hide from and deal with a lot of stress and my mind can’t seem to handle a lot of things, but the repetitive slap-slap of the virtual cards helps. I don’t know if I even have a real deck of cards any more. I prefer the computer in this case anyway. I did try to play with the sound off and it seemed wrong somehow, which I found to be odd. I started out playing Klondike but then switched to Freecell, and I’m on a 100+ game winning streak.

One of the few benign memories I have of my rather nasty grandmother is her plopped on her couch, a card table in front of her, the room dark save for the glow of the big console tv.  There she’d sit for hours, scowling, while she chain smoked and played Klondike. Yeesh, except for the smoking, I am possibly turning into her.

I had to dig out my old EBT card. It is a credit card that is used but we still call it food stamps. I had to figuratively dust it off and see if the account was still valid. It is. There is still about $70 left on it. It is eligible to be loaded again when the state processes my claim. As I said, a lot of stress right now.

We’re all reduced to various cards and strings of numbers anymore. Credit cards, social security cards, driver’s license (cards), insurance cards… Some cards I wish I had more of, some I wish less.

I recently did a tarot card reading, something I do infrequently, and usually when I’m emotional. I won’t reveal the question asked but the cards were: ace of cups, paige of cups and the seven of swords. The first two cards were very positive and gave me some peace, even though I claim not to use the cards in the manner in which I had just done (sort of fortune telling).* No one ever wants to see swords, those trouble-making cards of the mind, but the seven wasn’t so bad and was probably accurate. When the hope the cards seemed to promise didn’t pan out, it was tough. I threw a bit of a temper tantrum at the deck. I probably just earned myself some more bad karma, well… if I believed in that stuff.

While surfing the blogosphere I came across a site that instantly appealed to me, Moment Sketchers. It is just a once a month challenge to sketch. I used to be an artist, a long, long time ago. I have ignored my art for most of my life, and to state “I’m an artist” just made me feel so guilty, like the biggest liar. You don’t ever stop having that creative pull, though. Even though I can’t afford to spend whimsically right now, I did, and impulsively bought a small box of watercolors, that came with cheap brushes, some black drawing pens and a little watercolor sketchbook. All totalled it came to about $30. Right after I got the message from Amazon that the order had shipped I received more bad news, which made it even less intelligent to spend money I don’t have. Fuck it. I’m not returning them. The supplies arrived a day early.

I unpacked everything. Sketch what you have! So, there was a group of four pill bottles on my desk (yay… sigh) and that became the subject of my first sketch in over two decades (and the last time I sketched ended another two decade long drawing drought). Boy, am I out of practice! I forgot how hard it was to freehand draw cylinders (the bottles). I’m proud of myself for doing it. The results were hilariously bad, but that’s ok. This relates to card in that the sketchbook is very small, and the pages perforated so you can carefully remove them. The page is a slightly oversized postcard. Perhaps one day I’ll mail sketch cards to people! From the looks of things, not any time soon, unless it is to convince people I’ve gone senile and need looking after. 🙂

And now writing time is over and I need to find my cell phone! It’s a little black flip phone and it hides sooooo well. I tried calling it but it went straight to voice. Fuss and bother!

 

* I use the cards to be a psychologist in a box, ideas to meditate upon, and how to think outside of the box (pun kinda intended). I find they are a great problem solving tool. I claim to believe they don’t work for fortune telling, and that such things are crap, but when I get into stressful situations I sometimes try to force them into that role, to mixed results.

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